frustrations

I had hoped 2012 would be a better year than the hellish 2011 but so far, things haven't turned out that way.

The nightmares that arose in 2011 keep trudging on. Will we ever have him out of our lives? Will we ever be able to heal? I don't know anymore.

Tax time was supposed to be a happy time this year. The boys are getting new beds. We were going to catch up on our house payment, trade in our car so we could get out from under that oppressive loan and into something more affordable (and a car that fits our family.). We were going to pay back a debt. Take the kids to Kalahari. And most important of all; get Aiden adopted.

But all that has been put on hold now. Almost 3 years ago we filed bankruptcy and a student loan I had was supposed to be included. I thought it was a private loan, not government and I hadn't heard from the company in over a year. But we received notice on Saturday that they took our entire tax return. I was devastated. I'm STILL struggling with it. Thankfully there is some good news. I didn't work at all and all the income was Brett's so he will be able to file to have it returned. It's going to take a few months before we get the money and it's going to be very hard waiting; putting all the bills on hold is going to be difficult. And the boys did get their new beds with our state return....and they love them! (pictures coming soon!)

On top of all that; my computer is frizzing out again. My profile became compromised and wouldn't open. So I had to create a new one and in the process I lot a lot of things; including a recipe book I had worked on since before Liam was born. (Thankfully I had a copy printed off but I was going to give another copy as a gift for a friend.) On top of that, something is going on with my pictures. I can only access about 15% of them and the others I can't. I am just so frustrated.

So yeah. Things have not been easy so far.....they haven't even been good. I've been frustrated and stressed. Angry and sad. Somedays I feel hopeless. I'm trying. I'm trying to get through each day with a smile because it's what my kids deserve but on the inside I feel like screaming and hiding in my bed.

Life isn't always easy, that I know. And it really isn't fair. I keep hoping and praying that things will turn around. That the light at the end of the tunnel will finally reach us. Maybe. Hopefully. Someday it has to come true, right?